Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
