I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
