My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
