And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
