One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
