I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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