but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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