So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
