The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
