lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
