btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
