The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
