dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
