I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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