I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
