Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
