I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
