So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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