i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
