Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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