hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
