I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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