did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize