"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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