3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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