I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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