Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
