I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
