1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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