Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
