There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
