We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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