I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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