well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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