I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
