Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
