come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I sprained my soul last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
