And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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