I bet he comes in French.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
