Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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