dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
