I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
