is your mom at the bar?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
