Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
