good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
