Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
