The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
