is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
