i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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