dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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