She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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