I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize