Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
