By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
