After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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