You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
