I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
