he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
