Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
