In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
