You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
