In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
