It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
