Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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