First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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