Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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