Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
