Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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