the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
